Bit of Good; Bit of Badby Tami Anderson on 08/21/12
There is a bit of good in the worst of us and a bit of bad in the best of us. We are all here on a journey. We may look alike as a human but the experiences, thoughts, feelings and beliefs we adopt differ greatly. Having said that, the way we act is exactly the same for every one of us because our behavior is a direct result of our thoughts and feelings which come from our beliefs. Those beliefs are about ourselves, others and how we think this ol' world 'should' turn (in our favor).
Below is a picture I got on Facebook recently with a note to pass it on. It shows: The Bad Boss and the Good Leader. Perhaps we can see where we could have a bit of both of these characteristics depending on the situation and the circumstances. I have been a grouchy boss when, after lots of coaching, the people did not do what they needed to do. I had no idea what to do next. So, I pushed. Or when people quit at the most inoportune time! Agh! I was hurt, frustrated and overwhelmed. Other times when I am confident, employees and customers happy and things going great, it was easy being the happy-face leader.
What makes the difference? Here's a little piece of magic that worked for me. It is likely the biggest oxymoron I've ever come across. A method of Being that looks as if it would be the very least effective way to manage myself, let alone others.
Here it is: Deep, rigorous HONESTY......with myself.
First, about what I am truly feeling; then to listen to what I am actually thinking. This may sound simply trite. Rest assured it is far from easy. When I am able (not always able; sometimes only willing) to accept both feelings and thoughts before I act or react to whatever is in front of me, I can be a leader. Now, I must say, this is likely the most difficult journey I take every day. When I realized other people cannot make me 'mad, glad, happy or sad'; that all these emotions are an actual part of every one of us. And, that we chose every action and reaction based on what is going on in the heart and the head, then I chose to start on this tedious, challenging and most rewarding path.
Honestly, it makes all the difference in the world. This makes it possible to make a new, empowering and happier choice.
Now, we can look at other people with the same tool of honesty. When I can see how their behaviour is a direct result of what is going on in their head or heart, I don't take what they do and say as personally as I used to. Although I still find it amazingly hard to set my initial reaction on the back burner, I know that I do not have to have a negative reaction to them. I also know now that my happiness is based 100% inside me.
Buddha once said, "If a man gives you a gift and you refuse to accept the gift; to whom does that gift belong?"
A simple translation - "If someone is angry towards me and I refuse to buy into their anger with my reaction, then the anger belongs to them; not to me! And, I can go about my happy day. I love making my Life at work really work! Yay! Have a good one!